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yourdelirium
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27th-Aug-2009 11:05 am(no subject)
Creative
Mike and I broke up on Monday night...

not really into discussing it yet...

Check back later
28th-Apr-2009 12:13 am - Can't get it off my chest...
Creative
I have said some pretty mean things to a certain person lately and some mean things about his girl to his face, so to speak. I really dont mean what i had said. I just was angry at the moment and figured out that she was the way to get back at you for hurting me. I am sorry about saying those things about her. She seems to be a nice person and you are lucky to have her. I am so sorry...

When I am hurt I burrow deep inside and weep. Or i the rare case, I lash out. But i wanted to write this to say I am sorry...
24th-Apr-2009 12:36 am - ...
Creative
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved
16th-Apr-2009 10:28 pm - Sweetest Downfall
Creative
I have been so sore lately from all the bending and using of my muscles in my self defense class. I literally just pushed things into my closet with my feet on Monday night. I had gotten better by Wednesday, and today i only have to hold my stomach when i cough. I am a wonderful thing of pain. Aren't I great?

Recently an old friend of the family's daughter went into the hospital cause she wasn't feeling good. Within a weekend she died of Lukemia. This got to me badly for some odd reason. Like, for example, I haven't been able to sleep right since finding out. I keep having weird dreams about me dying and my flesh rotting off. Maybe it was because she was in her late twenties and early thirties. I guess I am afraid I am going to die soon. About three beings died around me this month. My aunt's aunt, the same aunt's cat, and then the daughters of the Eckharts.

I am excited about Saturday though...yay....<3...love you devi!
13th-Apr-2009 12:02 am - You are Loved...Don't Give up...
Creative
These past month has been tough on me. With work, school, and love life; I was going to break down eventually. So I have things under control with my life. I have the most wonderful best friend in the world, Devin. He is so amazingly loving and compassionate. He always will make me feel better. And like he knows what to do when I am down. So I would just like everyone to know I am so grateful for Devin.
9:17pmAmanda(other)
hey how are you?
9:18pmAmanda
Fine...how are you Amanda
9:19pmAmanda(other)
im great
BUT
i have a deadline for a project im working on, and im harrassing old friends on facebook to fill out a survey i have designed
would you like to help me out?
9:20pmAmanda
i dont mind
go ahead
9:20pmAmanda(other)
awesome
thanks
how would you describe your emotional state at this moment?
9:21pmAmanda
Content
9:22pmAmanda(other)
A man who works for a chemical company dumps pollutants into a local
body of water. It is cheaper to do it this way than to clean the waste
in a more environmentally friendly way. However, if they spent the
money on this, they would have to lay off 30% of their work force who
is comprised mostly of middle to lower class people of lower
education. However, the estimated damage from pollution in the river
is just enough that there is a gradual decrease in biomass, with
possibly greater implications in the future.

guilty or innocent?
9:27pmAmanda
wow...hm...i would have to say guilty...they could always cut costs some other way and the environment , if we were to destroy the environment then it would effect people as much or even more than laying them off. Like animals could die and then we would not have meat...unless we invest in the petrie dish meat that Peta sponsors
9:27pmAmanda(other)
haha!
okay one more thing
9:27pmAmanda
kk
9:28pmAmanda(other)
3-6 months, 6months-1 year, 1 year-2 years, 2-5 years, over 5 years
which sentence?
9:28pmAmanda
well it matters
was he directed by his boss to do it or did he do it of his ow accord?
own*
9:29pmAmanda(other)
assume that he was in charge of making that call - the company is not responsible since he was solely in charge of that sector and making those decisions
assume his company was unaware...
9:29pmAmanda
i'd say 1-2 years maybe more
cause he was hurting the planet and i see it as if he was hurting another person
cause technically he was...it affects people and their food source and vegetation...
9:30pmAmanda(other)
well, no one has mentioned petri dish meat before
9:31pmAmanda
really?
9:31pmAmanda(other)
very economical thinking
lol
really
haha
9:31pmAmanda
hahah
yeah...it is new...looks nasty but has protein in it...
maybe more than meat
9:31pmAmanda(other)
LOL
that kind of grosses me out
9:32pmAmanda
hahaha
yeah
but it is an interesting project
9:32pmAmanda(other)
yeah, my psych of thinking class explores many dimensions of emotion
this project is trying to find a relationship between emotion and judgment
I think it was an interesting topic and wanted to share it with you.

Anyway, Mike and I have been together for seven months now and we still are going good. His family loves me, and mine love him. My mother this morning told me that I have changed since I started dating him, and it is for the better. She says she believes he is very good for me. And she made him an Easter basket which she put candy and art supplies in. I got him a stuffed plushie of mono for him for Easter.

I got a "Fighting against Breast Cancer" Fairy, Some body stuff, A cirque du soliel DVD, and candy...oh and a GIANT PIG!!!

Oh and I want a baby hedgehog!...and a kitty...

Creative
...of why the sea is boiling hot....and of cabbages and kings...

I really haven't had much to talk about, so I haven't really posted in this journal in awhile. I am extremely tired lately and I am getting sicker and sicker. I hate my immune system. So from this sickness I can not sleep at night, so I am running around on very little amount of sleep. It makes for interesting stories. There is going to be an awesome party at Devvi's this weekend. I am excited because Mike is going to go with me. We have a party to go to first. It is for Ayyam-i-ha. I feel like I should get him something for Ayyam-i-ha. Anyway, after Ayyam-i-ha is over, mike will go on a fast for nineteen days, i think. Anyway, to be supportive of him and his religion, I will go on the fast with him. Aka I will not eat or drink during light hours.

I changed the settings on this journal so that people can leave comments, even if they dont have a LJ. I do not understand why it was set to that.


I hope ths weekend goes well...I want a good weekend...
12th-Feb-2009 01:15 pm - video
Creative


12th-Feb-2009 12:28 pm - taaaaadah!
Creative
So Mike had told me I need to update my journal. Mike and I got back together a day after he broke up with me. I had to beg him, but it is okay because he is worth it. It feels different now though. Mike and I are trying to do couple things together now, like read together, have dinner at both houses. Mike drew on me. He knows i like having pens on my skin. So I was covered on my arms and my face. MIke's dad's birthday is on Saturday and I am going to make him dinner and a cake. I just hope I dont get burned out.


Good news is HE is back...and it makes me happy...

5th-Feb-2009 01:11 am(no subject)
Creative
mike and i broke up...
Creative

So as i wash the dishes in the sink I realize I do not take enough credit for my past and my mistakes. I realize my current relationship with mike is failing and it might and probably is partly my fault. When i am hurt by him, i turn and run away instead of facing it and wondering why this certain thing bothered me. Or I could be an adult and just let it fly by. But we all cant hope for the best now can we? =p

I like to feel like I have grown from the snot nosed girl i was in high school. I accept certain facts that i have and i accept that bad things happen to everyone. Anyway I figure that my problems are my own fault and these past few months i have been working towards getting help. I am eating more now and I am finding ways to control my lust.

I have been drawing more and more lately, maybe I will post some of them will be posted later.

Something overwhelmingly warm...
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